Haiku (weak soldier)

[machinery]

For those who do enjoy haiku..or know how to analyze *parch, ranter I know for sure* really try and help me out...I am trying..hahaha


generated laughs
and fake skin
these whimsicals behind me

still laughing cows?
oh man
oh...man...

dark sprout lady
tight white shirt
I can see her lights!

colorful tangtops
short skirts bearing legs
it must be getting warmer

blond waves
dangle down her face
she wipes it to her left ear

her curves
indimitate me
time to cross my legs

drove in the rain
hard wet against glass
the wipers had rhythm

[parch]

ok
they are all much better than the others you've put up, you are improving.

there is more here that actually matters, not just lines anymore, the words written spark words and concepts, ideas, whole amounts of thought in my head which is good.
cause that is what they're suppossed to do. well...some japanese haiku instructor...may tell you differently, but that is what i appreciate them for.
small lines, words, with so much behind them. you're not there yet, but no one ever is. you are getting better, as far as i can see. for a true haiku enthusiest, the ones with less reflection and only pure observation would be the best, but in this selection i actually enjoy the bits of reflection you add. i suppose the reader is the one to usually reflect in haiku, but its ok that you did it here.

"her curves
intimidate me
time to cross my legs"
----this is an example of the reflection, you reflect and share your thought, then add in what you're action is, spurred by your own thought. so in this, you reflect and we (readers) reflect. we reflect from you and from her, so your reflection does not take away from what we could do. it would be a completely different haiku if it didn't contain your reflection, but i'm not sure if only observation was enough for it anyway.

your first in this selection was entirely reflection and that is the one i didn't like.
i was laughing because of some of these (short chuckles) --"i can see her lights"...haha--good good

i think if in the 4th you dealt more w/ the warmth (temperature) or skirts, and tops (sex)--it would be better...you combine the two concepts and then don't really give us something to hold onto....there's nothing 'special' about the tops, skirts, or warmth, but there really is it seems...i just don't see it yet.

anyway.....
great improvement...your observation is nicely done. your haiku.....are working.

___---parch

[machinery]

i see what you are saying.....

so in short...is reflection good or bad? Thom said that it was good and I totally saw what he was saying....so I don't know..hahah

I think Haiku is totally different from poetry and also prose..a different feel and outlook and purpose so to speak...

a new love of mine..and I want to master it....not saying that I have mastered poetry or prose...I just like taking on things...all at once.......I'll keep 'em coming..

thanks parch.